This will be one of the hardest blogs for me to write. There is a time for rejoicing and there is also a time for grieving. The story all started on July 23. We got our first picture of baby Isabella. Our IVF journey feels like it is one long drawn out saga. We started our IVF journey at the beginning of the year. It took 7 months to be we could implant our embryo back into Melissa. When we went to the doctor’s office on the days leading up to transfer day, everything was measuring like it should. Everything was perfect. We made it to July and it was transfer day! Melissa and I were both so excited. We had one normal embryo and we were believing it was going to make it. We were going to be parents. We also knew we had a 60/40 shot of it not making to a live birth.
Melissa and I were so nervous for the first 10 days. We were hopeful that Baby Isabella was sticking around and developing like she should. On the night before our first BETA test, we were both curious to know the results. Melissa was a little more anxious to know if the transfer had worked. We decided to take a HPT (Home Pregnancy Test) that night. We really could not believe our eyes. It was the first time in the 3 1/2yrs of trying to conceive that we had a positive pregnancy test. That positive pregnancy test was a sign of hope for the both of us. The blood test the next day confirmed what we already knew. We knew that everyone’s prayers had been answered.
When your BETA levels are positive, you have to repeat your blood work in a couple of days to see if the levels are rising like they should. The HCG levels have to double every couple of days. The second beta level confirmed that we had a growing embryo inside of Melissa.
We were both so nervous and excited at the same time. With each day that passed, we were a little more confident. Our baby was attaching, growing and everything looked like it was going ok. We had never been pregnant before, so we were taking this in one day at time. IVF has a way of robbing the surprise of naturally getting pregnant, so we decided to find out the sex of the embryo before the embryo was even implanted. We also figured if the embryo didn’t make it to full term then we would be able to name our baby. We did not tell our family what it was when we found out way back in May. We were keeping it a secret on purpose. It was the only secret we have had during this whole journey. Our parents and family were eager to find out what our baby’s gender was. When we saw our beta levels were doubling, we decided to surprise our parents and tell them. One day after work, I went to Target and bought some baby clothes for what Melissa called “a gender reveal on a budget”. I bought 2 little pink outfits and a polar bear outfit. Those of you that know Melissa, know she loves her polar bears. We went to my parent’s house and video chatted Melissa’s mom and then Melissa’s dad and step-mom. We showed them a bag and then the color of the outfit. Our family was so excited! At this point we were 4 weeks pregnant.
The day was August 10, it was just like any other day. Melissa started to think that something was not right. We continued to get ready for the day. I was working out in the living room and I was almost finished. Melissa called me and I knew something was wrong. This was early Friday morning and our fertility doctor told us to go to the emergency room to get an ultrasound and check on things. Through the weeks I had been using Google to track and follow the size of the baby. We were just a few days shy of 5 weeks. At 5 weeks you are able to see gestational sac on an ultrasound. We finally made it to the emergency room. I had to park on the 6th floor of the parking garage and went down 6 flights of stairs because I thought the elevators were broken. Seconds seemed like hours while waiting on everything.
Melissa was taken back right away. I walked into the emergency room and got my visitors bracelet. They brought me back to Melissa. The staff finished checking her in and they brought us to a private room. They did blood work and an ultrasound. Whenever the ultrasound tech came in I was hoping to see something. I remember thinking to myself, we are just shy of 5 weeks something has to show up. I have been to almost every doctor’s appointment and I’ve learned a little about what I am looking at. I was looking at the screen and kept looking for the sac. I saw all the other parts that make up the female anatomy but no sac. We waited for her blood work to come back and her beta levels were not where they were suppose to be. At that point we knew that it was not good. With us knowing that our beta levels were declining, we figured we were having a miscarriage. We had the whole weekend to process what was happening but it was still had to walk through. It continues to be hard to walk through.
We were scheduled to see our fertility doctor on Monday, August 13. On the 13th our doctor confirmed there was no sac. He couldn’t give us any reason or any answers as to why we miscarried. All we have are speculations.
On the way home from Baton Rouge that day, we decided to name our baby girl Isabella Faith. Isabella means “God is my oath”. Melissa and I know this is all apart of His plan and we continue to trust Him. Faith is the word Melissa chose at the beginning of this year. Having a miscarriage is the hardest thing we have ever gone though but we still know God is FAITHFUL!
We are planning to transfer again in October. We have 2 embryos left. We do not know if they are normal or not. When they were tested, there was not enough cells to tell anything. We are hopeful, optimistic and cautious all at the same time.